2021 - A Year For Broken Wings To Fly

2020 is  a year of broken wings for me. My two wings are broken. First wing broken was dad, When I lost dad, I felt like something crushed inside. I was used to ask dad for everything. He was like my everything. Someone I can always count on and I feel safe and secure when he was around. For friends who know me so well, they know how close I am with dad. Today last year, he was struggling between life an death. I could only beg for God's mercy and kindness. I was in a dark and heavy storms but I felt God was so near. That moment I could only look up to Him. I gently heard God whispered to my spirit, " Be strong, dear! Fly higher with Me. Take My Hand! This will surely pass!" For a week, I stood by dad and took after him at the hospital. I talked to him heart to heart, saying sorry what I've done wrong and express my gratitude to him. I thanked God that He gave me time to spend last moments and say a proper goodbye to dad. To the first wonderful man I've ever known, My Hero! Rest in peace and love, dear "Papi" (read: dad). I will see you again in eternity. I love you always....always...

Second wing was my ex boyfriend. We had four years long distance relationship. I thought he was my soulmate and will be my life time best friends and future husband. We broke up in January 2020. The one who filled my days for four years with love and care also gone. I was left speechless. I thought I could rely on him. God removed him from my life too. I found myself alone and lonely. I barely couldn't stand for few months. Once again I looked up and run to God again. Not a day I spent without crying. The hardest stage in my life. I lost my balance but thankfully I didn't loose my faith. 

"If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, He'll help you catch your breath." (Psalm 34:18, The Message). 

Broken : 

* having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order

* (of a person) having given up all hope; despairing. -Oxford English & Spanish Dictionary

It seems no matter who we are and how much we love Jesus, there are still broken areas in our lives that God is still working on. 

"I'm in Your Brokenness" (Words by Bill Yount)

"I sense an urgent cry from God's heart : "Wait no longer. I'm in your brokenness, when things didn't go the way you planned, and I didn't answer the way you thought I would; when you were so broken, you felt like a bird without wings. But I'm still here, and you are under My wing. Would you do Me a favor? Spread your broken wings one more time. Give Me one more chance. See what I can do, for I am breathing on your brokenness. Can you feel My breath? I've waited for you to cry to Me. Only Me. Let Me be your dream now, and I will take you to My dream that I have for you. Try it one more time. Spread your broken wings and see where they will take you. I will be the wind that carries you above the storms, pain and sorrow. It's your time to defy gravity. At first, it may hurt again, but it will not harm you now .You will laugh again, dance again, and love again. Spread your broken wings and make history."

Did Our Brokenness Come to Define Us?

Nothing is wasted in the hands of our Redeemer. All things work together for our good, to those who love the Lord, even our pain, disappointments, and things that don't make sense. Could it be that we've tasted brokenness in order to relate to a broken world and to have our hearts break for it?

Can you feel them? Broken hearts, broken dreams, broken hopes, and broken bones. Maybe we should take a year and weep with those that weep. There must be an ocean of tears somewhere bottled by God's hand, ready to be redeemed.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book." (Psalm 56:8)

My broken wings must fly again, not for my own sake, but for God's sake. I was born and created to soar like an eagle. By faith begin to stretch my wings. Yes I can do it. Hear the tears of others falling. They need me. Stretch my wings, fly again and change history!

2021 - A Year for Broken Wings To Fly! (sc)

My Life Story 2020

 It's been a year not writting at my blog. I am back hehe....I have been through a lot. Dad passed away last Christmas. It's like a big wave hit my life. He was gone too soon. I still miss him a lot. My dream that dad will walk me to my wedding aisle gone already. That made me really sad. He was always there for me. He was the one I can rely and count on. I feel like I lost my balance and couldn't stand right. I did understand when dad said that he was tired already. I replied, "It's ok dad if you want to rest. Thank you for taking care of me all this time. You are the best dad ever. " I thank God that He gave me opportunity to look after him while he was at the hospital and a chance to say my gratitude and last goodbye to him. It meant a lot to me. I will never forget you dad. Forever you're always in my heart. It's been almost a year you're gone. It's just like yesterday. I am still crying in my sleep cause I miss him so much. But I know he doesn't want to see me crying and sad all the time. He is happy now and find rest in God's place. Someday I will meet him again in eternity. 

It's hard to live without man in the house. I have to deal with many things like broken water pump, shortcut electricity, leakage, taking care of mom and many other things. If God allows this, I know I can get through it. All I can say God is good. I am not angry He took dad home. Birth, soulmate and death are in God's hand. Who are we? I surrender myself in His great might hand. I declare His sovereignty in my life. I won't be afraid because He is My Father too. If my dad loved me that much, My Father is in Heaven love me more. I never doubt Him. I learnt to be thankful in every circumstances. I cried a lot. I also smiled a lot. That's life! :) 

During this pandemic, God once again give me a chance to look after mom. For certain people know about my story with her. Nothing to be proud of but it crushed and shape me into a better person. More humble, more forgiving, more patient, more loving, more like Christ. I learn to cook, clean the house, be a good sister, be a good daughter. What a drastic change of Susan :p I am glad what God is doing in me. He is preparing me for something that I don't know yet. Someday I will write and tell what He has done in me. Maybe 3-4 years from now. Walking with God  is always excited. I can't wait what the next days will bring. Good and beautiful things that's for sure!

Friends, no matter what you've been throught these days, one thing you must remember that He will never forget nor forsake us. He is preparing good things and wonderful plan. Even we can't see it yet, but receive it by your faith. It is happening! Way out, answer of prayers, healing, new job/career, good health, promotion, reconciliation are on the way! Be courage, keep the faith, always put your trust in Him.

Cheers, 

~Castly~